Influence is political. For years, I wore the “I’m not going play politics, I’ll just prove it with my performance” badge.
I viewed politics as sucking up. I believed in the myth that I had to choose between being a good person or being political. I believed that I could make things happen while sitting out the relationship stuff. I believed some magical company existed where there were no office politics, and I was determined to find it.
I beleived those things because it was more comfortable reliving my self-narrative that I was alone, I wasn't any good, and no one really wanted me around. I resisted building real, human connection with others because I was terrified of being rejected.
At school, I could mask these beliefs because I was rewarded for performance only. It was the same when I move through levels of IC work.
But that all changed when I became a boss. There were no clear measures for performance. No one giving me a to-do list to check things off. That internal fear of rejection that had been lingering in the shadows was now front and center.
Instead of working on myself, I did what any normal grown ass adult would do. I resisted my discomfort, continued to wear that badge of honor, and kept hoping that showing the work would work
It did not work. I didn’t grow my influence. I didn’t make things happen. Instead, I grew more anger, anxiety, and isolatation from my peers and family.
I was lucky though. I had a Jeff in my life. Seeing my frustration and growing isolation, Jeff did something for me I’ll never forget.
Jeff asked me to go on a walk with him. He validated me, telling me that my vision and decisions were in fact spot on. That made me feel safe. Safe enough to hear what I needed to hear, “Ryan, you’ve reached the point in your career when its important to learn how to let others be right with you. They need your help connecting the dots. You need their help to do what’s best for the people who use and make our tools.”
That walk and feedback has stayed with me these last 15 years. I’m forever grateful to Jeff.
Time and time again, I hear senior designers, managers, directors, and executives saying they want to grow their influence. Time and time I hear them resist building relationships with those who disagree with them, or simply saying they’re not going to play politics.
If you don’t do politics, politics will do you
It’s completely possible to do politics on your own terms without selling out, but it’s opt-in only. You have to be the one who makes the decision.
If you’ve gotten far in your career without playing politics, I believe your values are in a good place. You’ll find a way to live up to those values without becoming something you don’t want to be.
As Jeff said, “it’s time to invite others to be right with you.”